Harrowing State Of Failure (16 tracks)

by Bloomshock

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1.
04:27
2.
02:07
3.
01:10
4.
01:53
5.
02:02
6.
7.
01:42
8.
00:48
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10.
11.
03:02
12.
03:33
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16.

about

Here you go. This album hurt to make.

credits

released November 11, 2014

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Bloomshock Mount Laurel, New Jersey

this is my old home
hello whirled is my new home

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Track Name: Pull It Off
subtly sultry under layers
maybe it's just me

my heads are lost
in the clouds
over her
but not yet proud
how do you pull it off?

humble, quiet, soft with an edge
embodied guilty pleasure
busy, but not, socially dead
headaches crash with unbridled pressure

my head is lost
in the clouds
over her
but somehow found
how do I let myself fall?

my head is lost
in the clouds
over her
but not yet proud
adolescence
chemistry's bitch
anxiety flowing
flipping the switch
how do you pull it off?
Track Name: Scared
I'm sorry that I couldn't get my act together
I'm sorry I've been hanging on for what feels like forever
I'm sorry for believing things could be okay
I'm sorry for not looking into what you said and what you did

I'm willing to forgive you if I know you'll listen
but I don't trust you enough to care
are you only here to forever spite me?
I'd object if I knew there was something there
lost in your own little world
I'm lost in mine too
I never said I was sorry
but that doesn't mean a thing to you

you couldn't confront me
but still I let you lie
whining and crying for 26 weeks
still I haven't heard your side
like an ugly duckling
never made it to a swan
doe-eyed dame, living life in a game
never seeing dawn

I'm willing to forgive you if I know you'll listen
but I don't trust you enough to care
are you only here to forever spite me?
I'd object if I knew there was something there
lost in your own little world
I'm lost in mine too
Tara, I never said I was sorry
but that doesn't mean jack shit to you
Track Name: Comfort
are you comfortable, knowing what I know?
knowing that you don't care to share my beliefs
are you okay with me?
do I annoy you?
I'd like to know you're safe but I'd like to enjoy you

scared to expose my real feelings for you
scared to expose
prepare to implode

are you comfortable knowing what I know?
knowing you can't escape the truth
do you mind me?
do you mind me at all?
I'm not okay with me
could you spend some time with me?
Track Name: Expectations
I don't know what I expected
out of touch and disconnected
winding down the days
until the end of winter
careful not to touch the fallen
mope forever, all backs turned
deep depression, settle down
I don't really think I miss her

do I really want to care?

I don't think it's worth the trouble
going over this again
was painful then, just boring now
to cry about a broken friend
I lower all my expectations
just to make the damage hurt less
doesn't mean that I'm immune
maybe I'll be okay soon
Track Name: Ruined (Part 4)
the sun beats down on the carpet mold
glossy-eyed girl with a taste for gold
sober and sane, nowhere to be
takes a shot at the wall, where the mirror used to be

ready to implode, ready to burst
unsure if she'll crack or check in first
hands reaching for the bottle, but pulling away
for the ammunition's limited, but the drinks can stay

burned out, inertia in full bloom
light fixtures dangling, burning the broom
but there's nothing to clean, no reason to try
she chose long ago to just watch herself die

witness protection doesn't do her shit
no scene or identity ever seems to fit
the glass is looking pretty as she bombs another wall
no regards to the sleeping couples down the hall

crisis diverted, but in comes the war
the battle of sobriety from before
will she crack, contain her condition, well?
is she staying in middle ground, or flying to hell?

business is bad, she's out of stock
lack of interest, lack of cock
with only TV and mattresses to keep her okay
we knew she was going to crack any day

she grabs the glass, without hesitation
no time for a quick thought of realization
she's going to die today, and she doesn't care
that train's long gone, to god knows where

in minutes, she's broken, all hope is lost
with no moral compass, no lines can be crossed
grabs all the old drugs from the toilet tank
dedicates her heroin to the city bank

lost in a fog of smoke and vapor
mixing drinks with her ghosts in the rolling papers
too far gone to get her back
too far gone, too out of whack

heads to the balcony, looks below
once-grassy fields now coated with snow
knocks back another acid pill, ready to fly
but before she goes, she curls up and cries

where'd all the time go? wasted and ashamed
no one to look for, she deserves the blame
destroyer of good cause, upbringer of sex
lost three years fucking, hooked on X

lights another cigarette to try to bring herself back
overstocked on rope and loaded with crack
with nothing to lose, everything was lost
she took off her shoes and threw them into the frost

forever a burden on peace and love
ready to live forever above
looking down at the snow, she positioned to fly
before she landed for the last time, she closed her eyes
Track Name: I Can't Wait
I fear a second coming
of missteps toward a lying passion
I think I am in love

but I think it's an illusion
quite the grand delusion
wrestle with my fears
crying sugary tears

I feel a storm cloud moving
here to where I stand
backed by popular demand

here I deny my allies
tell them it's okay
I can't wait to kill myself
could happen any day

I can't wait to die
save the tears, she won't cry
sure can't wait to die
kick me in the face
I can't wait
Track Name: True
all that I say is true
I wouldn't lie to you
but maybe I might accidentally stretch the truth

what could I ever do
to hide the truth from you?
Track Name: Haven't Said (A Word)
I haven't said a word until now
at which point I'll regret everything I say
I haven't said a thing until now
if you already knew, well that's okay

I'm not subtle and I don't surprise
even someone's else eyes
could tell you that I spent October
with you on my mind the whole time
/self-aware of vicious craving
the epitaph of love I'm saving
a state of fun foreshadowing my failure
(self-aware of anxious craving
this epithet of love I'm saving
a state of failure, harrowing
I'm failing)\
Track Name: Colder In Contrast
you seemed content last time I saw you
almost as if you didn't know me
I knew for sure, for sure I knew you
but there was nothing new to see

I'm colder in contrast to the me of them
but it's not cold enough for a bat of an eyelash

I'm still half asleep from our last encounter
I only said four words
was that enough to remind you
even if that was all you heard?
Track Name: Pond
are you comfortable in your current state?
feeling content, or feeling hate
let me know when you just can't wait

I don't want to make a move, for fear of seeing you run
two fine friendships, both all done
how long will it be till the love is gone?
Track Name: Impression
partial closure doesn't fit
I think I've had too much of it
although I'm willing to forgive
I still don't think you'll let me live
to tell the tale of how I fell
and slid down stairs of living hell
with no hands on the bottom stop
to gladly catch me when I drop

must I keep beating around this dead horse?
not even feeling remorse
now I'm only angry
had the balls to lie to me, to save yourself
so selfish, I was too
but I never lied to you
or cried to you, to guilt trip me
live our dying fantasies alone

everybody knew
about me and about you
why didn't you confront me?
I wouldn't have minded then
eat cowardice on paper plates
drink bad excuses mixed with hate
too shy to mention you're uncomfortable
I'm sorry but I can't feel bad

partial closure doesn't fit
I think I've had too much of it
although I'm willing to forget
I'm not sure how much I'll regret
my words