Gate Of Signs (20 tracks)

by Bloomshock

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about

This is the second time I've really changed my sound (first time was in November 2013, after the rushed disaster that was Hanging River). This time, though, it's not just because I use electronic drums (that are actually mine, yay) now, but because I fucked up in the real world and lost a good friend. A lot of the songs on this album are to/about/regarding/minimally involving either her or me (in relation to the horrible events).

That all said, she has no idea that this exists. I'd tell her (bad idea), but I have found it really hard to talk to her, mainly because, even if she's really happy, if I so much as ask her to clarify something for our Biology final, she immediately becomes tired and sad. That hurts.

Enough of that, though. I'm proud of most of these songs. Fuck you if you say this makes me creepy, I've already established that.

credits

released June 11, 2014

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Bloomshock Mount Laurel, New Jersey

this is my old home
hello whirled is my new home

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Track Name: Sweet Loving Depression
I thank you dearly
for all of your good intentions
and getting me through a tough time in my life
a wish could not come close
to my thanks towards you
but my eyes are floating somewhere different now

call me crazy, call me indecisive
but I believe I'm just growing up
not depressed or quite lonely, but too afraid
of fucking anything up
but it seems I already have
as I set my sights on someone new
could that someone be you?
as I await, with bleeding hands, sweet loving depression

heal me or hurt me, stay or desert me
I don't fucking mind
if you lead a pack towards true perfection
I won't mind staying behind
just know that I think there's more than a friendship
one-sided from either end
maybe this time, it's not me this time
but I trusted you to vent for a friend
Track Name: Canaries That Aren't Yellow
of all things good
of all things sure
of all things under mine for more
where gypsies lie
above the sky
and steal the stars for their next fly

stalking the elusive bird
Sunday morning hearing word

sky fairies, angels, and devil airplanes
canaries of navy will drive me insane
their floating overhead projector
a hitman sent out for free, for Rector
Grace says, there's a little left, you take my hit
Jane cries, oh it would be nice, you little miss crit
the sunbird flies away, awakening a new day
where yellow is nothing, only shadows of blue-gray
Track Name: Unapologetic
angry, unapologetic, underneath a stone
cracking every bone
alive, but not close to well
be it here or in a living hell

not sorry for my crimes
I gave you evidence, you gave me chimes
firefighters hose the chance
to which I invite you to a game of ancient dance
Track Name: Done Doting
I've wasted countless hours
trying to figure out how to tell you
that I think there's more than trust in this circle
but I've noticed since I let it go that you might be a little pissed
avoiding me but calling me a friend

allow me to speak my mind if I have the time
I've tried to change but it makes me more the same
again and again I lie to myself and others
that I've moved on
that I'm done with this game

maybe I'm just stretching it
out to the far reaches
or I'm just insane
I'm ashamed but I'm not done doting

I'm passing time by staring out into the stars in the middle of the day
no clouds in the way, no nothing
feeling pretty useless like I always do
much time has passed
but I can't bring myself to forget

there's too much time in the world
not enough things to do
far too occupied thinking of you
Track Name: Reading Off Papers For Free
down the road we hold our hands
walking into the magic lands
the red sky opens and falls in deep
an excellent mirage, God I need sleep

the road is rough, the hills are high
I'm not gonna make it unless I die
with no one with me, not even you
the roads be bloody, thick and through

just doing what they're telling me
newspapers and market adultery
it's not like I mind much
it means not too much to me
but I still think it would be nice for you to be here and see
what the world looks like in the eyes of the dead
houses caved in, with the deflated beds
country smoke in a party balloon

cry I may but fight I must
when the pinwheel spins faster than the dust
it's a lonely night for me
but how about you, no, I'll leave you be

I'm not too religious myself
I don't have a Testament on my shelf
however, I swear, I ran God's track
I walked my way to Hell and back

holes in the sides of structures and sidewalks
pink mistresses, crawling through, they stalk
I'm a dick, but I have honor for the ones I love
let the high whores bleed away, pale and white like a coked-up dove

(I'm nothing without you
you're everything without me)
Track Name: Off White
life's unfair and full of lies
behind the man who, above the guys, did
come out front and explode
a heap of bodies from the motherlode

guilty clutter and despair
I'd say sorry, but no one really cares
fear wrapped in a small ball
rolling down the aisle of the next big white fall

a thorn in my sight
blood in my eyes
red vision, 20/20
night or sunny

assholes trying to help me
it only works if it's done correctly
expecting to please others, no?
when you can't even help your own

where do you think you're going?
the black and white, or the far unknowing
carrying lizards in spots
far too many, and that's a lot
Track Name: Pillbox Darlings
hanging from ropes and dangling from shadows
skyscrapers collapse, salt water on taps
pills in multicolor, make you a hell of a lot smaller
than you realize

deranged and psychosized, fitting rooms for anorexics
falling off of tightly shut plastic panes
being free at last, what a blast, save the best for last
rolling over opportunity

nicely packed in little pink dresses
her soul caresses me
Peter Pan, like hell I can
keep myself from growing up

maple skies and salt reporters, disregarding doctor's orders
dropping out of high school just to make the party
hiding in the stock of someone else's favorite airplane
alluring to the pilots and the news teams, across the globe, they're
Track Name: Hill Of Tara
you took it well
but sometimes it still feels like hell
you tell me there's no need for same
but it will never be the same

darling of the stars
how do you keep calm?
fair maiden of the laurels
can you read my palm?

because I think I might be insane
I think I've lost my mind
head sticking out of my back and into your life
into your friends and right through my mind
I've been given pills of control
but they only keep me still for so long
I can't make it outside for too long
keep me in my room for now

a crop signal for the Thursday girl
the turning world around her
the force fields pens a gate of signs
enlightening a piece of my mind
I bite my eyes out, I'm not okay
my friends don't help much anyway
when the minds you trust won't help
your lust
even in stage one, they know you're done

it's not unnatural
it's a matter of life
it's not that unusual
it's just I need a grip on life
Track Name: You Are Still An Angel To Me
Of going upfront
Of getting it off my chest
Of letting my emotions tackle me
And allowing my thoughts to do the rest
Confused regarding what I like
And what I take much further
If I must say this to someone else, I never wished to stun her
(Because)

You are still an angel, sent from the blue
You radiate positivity, always knowing what and how to do
If they still worshipped the sun, you would be the one
I’d pray for

Of falling in and out
Of tricking myself insane
Of collapsing on a sunny day
And turning it into rain
For half a year, I held it close
It didn’t affect what mattered most
Until it felt like time
Maybe I should have waited (But)

You are still an angel, with halos, wings, and everything
You make my otherwise awful day, always knowing what to say
If my mind could keep control, you still might never know
What I knew

Shadows of regrets still hang over me
With no acknowledgement of what it may have been for you
Did I just alienate myself from a true good friend?
Did I prematurely summon an untimely end?

Tell me not to worry
It only feels worse
Equally distributed
It still hurts
But this changes nothing
I still feel the same
Except for the added guilt
And its brother, shame (But)

You are still an angel, from the clouds
No robes, no halos, no holy gowns
When we were still innocent, we couldn't see the now
But it would probably have been better of as is

But you're still an angel, daughter of the sky
This shouldn't be goodbye, but I think this could be it
If I had control, I'd be fine
But if fate's a thing, I think it's our time

To go
Track Name: Dutch Smile
life has been a breeze for you, hasn't it?
well-endowed and always ready to give
never seen twice with the same person of any kind
you shouldn't even be alive

hold back your laughter, the neon fuzz are running at you
you're 16, but you treat yourself as if you know what you're doing
a trail of smoke follows you everywhere, there's a damn good reason everybody stopped caring
about you

when you light your last cigarette
and down your last shots
and your pockets are empty
and your followers are shot
you know they've got you
right where they want you
so you may as well hand over the IV
and flip your wine-stained Dutch smile
Track Name: Sink
dragging along every little thing until it bleeds
let another sink, here in the arena, in
three hungry bears that beg for supermodels
their lack of positivity makes me believe they want them now

you were meant to be used by someone
someone who cares so little about your wave
your solid candy days
a hallelujah to the plaster-blonde maze
nobody cares about the sunshine
everyone cares about the moonglow
nobody wants to hear your stories
because everyone has moved on

along with everything that once belonged to you
and every sign has been torn off the walls
the power grid was shorted last night
it's out of our control, it's not of our control or effort